Deathly Mysteries... finally answered

We, my family and I, had to deal with a steady stream of well wishers yesterday and today. People came from everywhere… people who loved my grandma….
The fascinating part was that there was NO stereo type, they were young, old, men, woman, rich and poor.
This just shows how NON judgmental my grandma is.
Sadly she died today, but it was not in pain, nor was it agony… It was the most peaceful experience I have witnessed.

We were at home with our family, someone was constantly with her… we were home, her home.
At the end…she gracefully took a gentle breath which was longer than usual and then another and then she kinda “played” with her tongue and then she was gone.
The beautiful part was that we were there….. Her daughter (my mom) her three grandchildren (including me) two great grandkids (out of 10) and my amazing dad, we watched her go and there was a slight smile on her face as we silently wept.

There IS more out there after you pass…I just know it!

I have to say….. Hospice is amazing! We could not have handled any of this without the help of Hospice

THANK YOU HOSPICE!!

Death and Guilt

I wonder, as I sit here facing death, if everybody beats themselves up over guilt.
Guilt is a pesky emotion that can overrule all other emotions,
it attacks your ability to love in an unconditional way,
and it interferes with the ability to accept …

It basically interferes with everything.

I don’t say this today because I am suicidal, depressed, or manic…. I say this because as I sit in the hospital watching my grandma die, I beat myself up because of things that I did a long time ago.

I beg for forgiveness

Rather than letting my love and appreciation shine through, I once again focus on the negative

Bears Will Be Bears

What the F?
Of course the bear bit the trainer!
These poor creatures are taught to “act” like a movie star
And when they act like a bear, their lives are threatened…
It’s sickening It makes me want to bite the miserable owner right in the jugular.

Fu*king Hollywood!

Join Peta.org to help the animals

Thursdays

Thursday is the most confusing day of the week for me...
It's on Thursday that I experience the most anxiety....
The most ups and downs are always on Thursday
The grain of the wooden floor bugs me on Thursday

Thursdays Suck!

Homicidal Rages

I was granted temporary sanity today… I woke before the kids… .rare. The kids were surprised by my smoothie making abilities this morning and I even managed to slip in some roasted flax seed into the smoothies.
I kissed them goodbye and sent them off to school. I’m such a good mom!
I made love to my boyfriend without any weird feelings; I’m such a good girlfriend!
I visited my grandma, she’s 89 and dying…..I’m such a good granddaughter!

By 12 noon I had to fight off my homicidal urges
as I made my way home in Los Angeles traffic

I intended to go home and clean the house and do laundry, you know, mom stuff.
But the traffic put me into such a HOMICIDAL RAGE that I ended up spending the day in my shrinks office refusing to leave the comfort of his old leather couch…. The police came…Again… and ripped me off of the couch so that the Dr could go home to his disgustingly beautiful wife and his perfect kids.

This is a typical day in my Bipolar life