Thursdays

Thursday is the most confusing day of the week for me...
It's on Thursday that I experience the most anxiety....
The most ups and downs are always on Thursday
The grain of the wooden floor bugs me on Thursday

Thursdays Suck!

The full moon, my period and death

8:02 pm
I finally got my period, thank god because this crying bullshit
and never ending thoughts of death are really cutting into my nearly
non- existent social life...

I honestly don't know how anybody even deals with me anymore.

So, now I am almost five pounds heavier than I was last week, I have blood running down my legs onto the beautifully just mopped wooden floor which has a width of precisely 84 planks and the length varies between 137 planks to 138....

Which makes absolutely no sense to me.

Perhaps I should just blame this day on the full moon.

My big fat swollen eyes

Last night I cried for a few hours, it felt good... I mean it felt fucking fantastic!

But when I woke up today my eyes were so swollen from all the crying that I had to go to my kids soccer games with huge sunglasses and a hat.

Oh, I cheered like a good mother, but my mind wandered to a time when my boobs were undeveloped and I lacked any hair on my private parts. I remembered a time
when I doubted if I had bones and I cut my skin, just to make sure I had bones.

I wonder if I have bones
A sharp edge
Pushing …
Against my elephant skin
Blood
Yes, there it is… the blood
Red…
Warm…
Alive…
Pushing harder
Where are the bones?
Pushing harder….
A compulsion

**I found the above in a shoebox of stuff I had written during middle school